Floor #5

Class ends

I bounce

Hop on the elevator

Floor #5

3 of us get on

Myself accompanied by two heavy set women

One was sporting a rolling pack

"A portable filing cabinet"

she joked to her companion

I just wanted to get home to pee

Done been holdin it for about 45 minutes

We stop on floor #4 and 3 and 2 and 1

But floor #4 is what we are choosing to concentrate on

Another heft woman steps on the elevator and muscles her way to the back of the elevator.

But this one had on white gloves and a bucket hat

To protect her from the cold

But she did not have a portable filing cabinet

There was eerie elevator silence for about 20 more seconds

The elevator was preparing to stop on floor #1

The white gloved bucket hat sporting cannonball in the back began to wreck through the rest of us proclaiming.....

"Excuse me... this is my stop"

No shit

It's everybody's stop

I'm so thankful stuff like that happens because it helps me get through each day with a smile on my face.

HELLO

As many of you may know i live in Indy, IN

in the cross roads.

Go one mile west and I'm downtown

colts watchin, pacers cheerin, shoppin district gazin havin fun

Go one mile east

And you're in the ghetto

And right in the middle of the ghetto

My grocery store of choice

Kroger... keepin it real with the low prices...

It's crazy how much certain things are though.

For instance... chicken is never on sale

and always sold out

Because people in the ghetto love chicken

and the handwash dish soap is twice as much as usual

and sponges are three times as much

because they assume people in the ghetto

don't have dishwashers

And will be forced to buy sponges

Capitalism at its finest?


As I'm sure most of you know

I love wheat thins

And the retail price is $3.19 at my kroger

i paid it at the beginning of the year

Didn't really even think about it.

Then they put on promotions with the plus card

2 boxes for $5

Helllll yeah... that's straight.

Buying up 4-6 boxes at a time

and you know i'm grabbin honeys if they got em.

.... So late in last semester......

they drop the price to 2 boxes for $4....

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?

I continue to cop and cop and stock and stock

Then i come back from Christmas break

And they slap that $3.19 price tag back on...

Makes it hurt

So i'm buying 1 or 2 boxes at a time

And then something magical happens.

out of nowhere...

I didn't even plan to go to the grocery store.

Just happened to drive by on my way home

and they had them 2 for $4

But wait

Something else catches my eye.

Some kind of superbowl special promotion.

it reads as follows

"Buy 8 of this product and qualify for a $7 instant savings"

I'm not really sure exactly how it's going to work

But I'm dying to find out.

So i load up with 8 boxes of Thins

get to the check out and there they go.

boop boop boop across the scanner

$2 a pop

7 boxes and it's at $14

And then it happens

That 8th box goes across

And $16 flashes on the screen for a split second

Then the $7 instant savings kicks in

And the total shows as $9

I couldn't believe it

I coulda shit my pants

I walk to my car carrying my Thins thinking the following thoughts

'You've gotta be kidding me'

'8 boxes for $9'

'That's $1.125 a box'

'I made out like a bandit'

'They can't be turning a profit on that... there's no way'

'I mean the box itself costs at least five cents, the bag, the crackers, etc.. etc.. there's no way they can produce it and ship it to Kroger for $1.12 a box'

When in all reality, we both know they can


But we can overlook that right now

Because i felt damn proud of myself

And trust me baby,

No Buyers Remorse

where are you

One of my roomates locks himself in his room.

And never comes out.

The only time I ever realize he lives here is when I want to go to the bathroom

When he reveals his uncanny ability to open his door

And sprint to our shared bathroom just when I'm about to use it.

But he's never in there for just a couple minutes

He always showers.

In fact, i'm convinced he doesn't take shits.


Towards the end of last semester

We ran out of toilet paper

And by "we" I mean

I ran out of toilet paper.

I had never thought about it,

But then i realized,

Every time the TP goes out,

I replace it.

So i decided to buy some more TP,

But i left it under my sink and carried it in there to use it

Just wanted to see if homeboy would replace it.

Couple days go by... still empty..

Couple more days.... and I'm thinking holy crap

Then i start counting the days and 10 days go by

Before I get tired of taking my TP from under the sink

And i came to the conclusion that my roomate might not shit.

Or he might not use TP

Or he might carry a roll with him to the bathroom every time he needs it.

Or something else that i can't imagin

Whichever it is.... I don't really care or want to know.

And there's no way i'm confronting him about it because i don't want to go through the misery of him saying something like

"Ohh i only use charmin ultra with aloe vera, and it's really expensive and I just carry it from my room"

Then who looks like the cheap ass...

Yours truly

So for 4 more months, i will supply toilet paper for 2

NonProfit Bootcamp

I had no idea what i was getting into when I came to grad school

I knew a little, but not that much.

I saw a place to get a masters for nearly free

A place to get some experience

And a place that allowed me to train for athletics for a couple more years

Lil did I know i would be dropped into boot camp

Of the NonProfit & Voluntary Sector

And these peeps love it... just eating it up...

gobble gobble gobble a lil nonprofit sandwich.

and wash it down with a lil voluntary sector juice.

And it's not even that it's bad at all.

I like some of the classes a good bit

But damn man... every class almost on the same thing..

And I work in a nonprofit

And they send me to trainings where i hear more of the same stuff.

and it would be great if i was eager and anxious to have this experience and gain this knowledge to apply to life.

But i'm just listening taking notes, and thinking....

Damn I'd rather be sleeping

eating

working out

or chillin with my peeps

............................

But on the other hand
............................

I got a call about a job the other day.

Reselling office supplies or something...

Promising a decent salary and big benefits, and a huge salary after 2-3 years.

Explain my situation and he told me.....

"Well i'll just put your resume in the tickler file until i hear back from you"

Whatever you gotta do bro.

Just don't be ticklin too much

gotta do some thinkin

My priorities are a lil mixed up I think

I don't get excited much

But I just did.

Over a parking spot

The sad thing is that the feeling was authentic.

And I can't ever change that.

I have to live with that the rest of my life

And I hate that.



..............I.also.hate.waving......................

But i did that today as well.

I told one of my friends that I wasn't going to wave anymore

I honestly think I've graduated from a full hand wave.

But it may have been a premature graduation.

Maybe I wasn't ready.

Maybe I need to go back and sit in on a couple more lectures.

Observe a couple of the popular kids a lil more

Because I totally waved at some people today.

And the reason I hated it is because of my roomate.

This lil guy waves so energetically with a loose hand.

And nothing looks funnier than a loose handed wave.

Fingers all smackin to and fro

Sporting a smile and being energetic

I just can't do it anymore.

But i did.

And now I have to live with that as well.



.......But.1.Thing.I.will.never.do................

is wear rubber dress shoes

But i imagine a guy who does.

And I'm not talking about rubber soles.

I'm talking Rubber soles, and uppers

Yeah... you guessed it...... them laceless joints...

This is the same guy who wears a tie that comes about 8 inches above his belt line.

Mainly because of factors due to the shape of his body.

The shape of a penguin.

And much like a penguin,

When this man might hear a sound behind him,

Being unable to turn just his head,

He would have to turn his whole body at the base

And do a complete roundabout

What a funny character to watch that would be

He's in over his head

That's me

Signaling that someone or something is in over his/her/its head

The person, place, or thing I'm talking about is my boy

to be named later.

So this story could be short or long and I've been waiting to type a good blog so it's going to be the long one.

Story Starts when I got to Indy.

Firt week, I made a great friend.

Thought we were gonna be just boys

Till the end.

ya know sometimes things just click and friendships bloom

And it was tight, and everything was cool for 3 months or so...

Then my boy got all mixed up some stuff.

Ain't talkin bout no mafia, drugs, scandalous type stuff...

I'm talking the even more dangerous mindwashing world that is known as

Network Marketing

"It's not a pyramid scheme.... It's a network marketing company. It's a wonderful opportunity where you have the freedom to be your own boss and work around your other job.... You can sell our products to make money and sign up people underneath you where you can make a percentage of what they sell and the people sign up.... You can eventually get to the point like me where you don't even have to work because you have enough residual income coming in each month."

BLah Blah blah..... makes me wanna puke

So my boy was one of the smartest / coolest dudes I knew

And then for some reason he bit on this one

Hook, Line, and Sinker.....

he started off talking about the company to me and asking what i thought about it and if it was a good idea....

And he got more and more info and got more and more hooked.

Surrounded by hype, he saw those dollas flashin baby

Going out to trainings, conferences, dinner with the big rollers, etc.

So he wouldn't shut up about the damn thing.

Told him I would go to one thing with him so he would shut up about it to me

I was sick of our conversations going like this

Me "Where you gonna be this summer"

Him "Wherever my business takes me"

...............

Me "Where you thinking about living next year at school"

Him "Probably going to buy a house if business keeps going so well"

...................

Me "Man, i'm sick... i feel like crap"

Him "I'm tellin you man... you've got to get in on this company and sell our products... I feel great... I felt like I was going to get sick, then i drank some of our juice and I'm great"

............

Me "What's up man"

Him "Ohh man it's funny you ask because I'm absolutely great. I just got back from a business training meeting and it was marvelous... absolutely incredible.... I'm learning so much and just thankful for the wonderful opportunity I have"

...................... You get the point..................

So finally, I went to one of these things...

And luck for you all.... I took notes.

First of all, i rush through some stuff at the gym thinking I have to hurry to be on time to leave with the guy.

And then we're supposed to meet out in the parking lot.

And he shows like 10 minutes late saying...

"My car is over here... don't you know how to get there... you can just go on"

"Well, I thought the point was to go together dude"

So i pull up and meet him and we're off...

He's speeding like crazy and it's slick out and he about goes straight into a guardrail merging onto the interstate.

You straight tho

We get to the hotel and they're having one of those starving artist sales where nothing is over $50 and it's all mass produced junk

But someone is standing outside waiting for a car ride...

I hit em up with a

"Dang some people take towells and pillows, but you took the art of the wall... that's guts"

Strange look then laughs...

So we roll up and meet some business partners, exchange hello's etc.

We walk to the sign up thing, and my boy points me to the guest sign up where the lady instructs me to make sure i keep my ticket because if I lose it there is no chance in hell of me getting in to see the show.....

Little did she know, i didn't even care about the show...

And why would you even bother to sneak into a company training???

Maybe because they have a separate booth that the people already in the company have to register at....

And I saw my boy drop a 20 at the door

A twamp to get in

Are you serious??

20 bones to hear a speech....

So we go hop in line and some girl checked me out head to toe

And then she did it one more time.

And she was like 15.

And why is she at this business meeting????

Cause she's gonna be a RICHBITCH

so we walk all the way to the back of the line.....

First impressions..

Everyone is in a damn suit
(I couldn't believe I was in a suit for this shit)

Everyone is black

Now don't get me wrong.

I love all of humanity....

But rarely in America if ever do you see a line of 150 people, where 148 of them are black.

And they're selling juice

And it's not even kool aid

.......

so we're in there and I'm chillin and then I get introduced to somebody named something or another.

And straight up the guy gives me a great line

"Hey do you know Stevie Wonder?"

'Not personally'

"But you know who he is... right?"

'Yeah'

"Well even Stevie can see this opportunity and I really think you will connect with the speaker today. He's talking about becoming the cornerstone or "point person" for his family and this man has actually done it... and you know how we spell done around here.... R-I-C-H..."

And then my boy was right there beside him like the guy was giving a damn sermon

Nodding and moaning and reassuring him with deep "uhhhmmmms"

and the ocaissonal "uhh hmm"

And I couldn't believe the shit...

My boy who I thought I knew really well acted as a different person around these people.

He was trying to blend in with everyone...

He was giving me lame ass introductions, and laughing at jokes that people were telling amongst one another.... but the really funny thing is that he didn't know the jokes....

The line was filled up with "ohhh yes" and "right on" people

And 6 different people told me how much of a treat i was in for and how lucky i was to be at the "Super Sunday" event.

My boy gives me some line about how this company is a family environment and everyone cares about each other and they lean on each other to succeed etc etc etc....

And i'm sayin back to him....

They want your money money money boy.

$200 to sign up... $20 a pop on Sundays.... Get you buying the company juice... making them dollas for the boys at the top....


And they had people just working the line....

Coming down shaking everyone's hand and saying hello..

Which is really nice, but kinda too nice...

And everytime someone would come, my boy would say...

"See this guy coming, he's one of the leaders in the company and is soooo successful....... but see this other guy he's like twice as successful as that last guy... and those other guys were nothing compared to this guy coming up... he's like one of the ceo's of the company"

Whatever dude...

Then my boy was introducing me to people telling me about how much respect he had for people he had just met.....

I was about sick of it and ready to leave until a lady started talking to me about sports.

She found out I had done some sports and told me how the sports market was totally untapped with this company and how there was so much room for growth that it was ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS...

She stated how her husband was friends with one of the joint owners of Conseco Fieldhouse (Indiana Pacers stadium)

And how she was hoping to work those connections because there was definately money in those circle and that could be a lucrative market

I wished her luck, looked at my watch and realized I had been in line for an hour and fifteen minutes.

They said they had technical difficulties with the projector or something.

So i patted my boy on the back and said..

"I'm out... see ya later"

'No... No... c'mon stay... they said it'd be just a minute... where are you going"

"I'll holler at ya later man... I'm out"

And that was maybe a week ago.

And today i got a call about the super training event that I missed that was so special.

And it kinda makes me want to go back

And take my camera

And get a little more juice if you know what i mean

lookin back

In the days after September 11th, 2001

People were acting different.

They were scared, thankful for friends, and people told one another they loved each other.

A bit of a life is precious wake up call

But one that pissed people off at the same time

We sat glued to televisions wishing to find out anything

But patriotism was at a peak

And looking for ways to be patriotic

I suggested that my botany/zoology class quote the pledge of allegiance

My teacher was more than supportive.

This was during a time when quoting the pledge had been outlawed in public school.

But there was a bigger problem than this

We had not flag

Lucky for us, my boy BLONG wore an American Flag bandana that day.

So i proposed we salute his bandana.

There we were, 25 teenagers saluting my friend's head as he stood on the top of a chair in the science classroom.

I couldn't believe we were actually doing it.

Something about it seemed really awkward and unnatural

But at the same time

It made perfect sense