Elementary School

From kindergarten-4th grade I felt PRESSURE

I felt like I was a chinese kid with pressure to be perfect

There was no reason for it

But I felt it big time in school.

I felt like I should be able to learn everything quickly even though I was younger than all the other kids.

I refused to ask questions

I would feel sick and almost throw up if I got a B

It was really awkward.

One day in 2nd or 3rd grade we had this worksheet for english/reading/literature class

It was a worksheet that was combining english, reading, and math

The worksheet listed every letter of the alphabet

Next to each letter was a point value

For example

a = 3 points

b = 6 points

c = 5 points

etc etc etc.

Some of the more obscure letters were worth way more points

x's maybe 20 - 25 points

y's and z's in the same range.

However, for completely odd reason H's were worth 50 points a piece.

It seemed really awkward.


So in class we did all these things to get used to doing the worksheet

It was cool and all and then we got our homework assignment.

We were instructed to find the 3 most valuable words we could come up with

I had to win

Remember the Chinese Kid pressure thing I mentioned before

So I came straight to my mom's office

She was a speech teacher in that school and we had to stay in her office for about half an hour before we could go home each day.

I wanted to get right on it as soon as I could.

I told my mom about the worksheet and we pulled out a webster's.

Obviously we went straight to the h's hoping to find some h packed words and walk away with the trophy.

After 15 minutes or so we had our 3 words.

My big hitter was "heathenish"

It earned me like 187 points or something, with the 3 "h's" getting the bulk of it.

Honestly, I thought we had it won.

I remember looking at the paper and feeling so proud before i went to school the next day.

My mom dropped me off and wished me good luck

She knew how bad I wanted to do good at this.

So the next day, we are supposed to come up to the board and write our most valuable word.

And the teacher calls us in alphabetical order.

So about 15-16 kids go before me.

And about 15-16 kids blast the shit out of my score.

The first kid had a score of like 236 points.

Everyone was in the 200's.

One girl had over 300 with some word she found in a medical dictionary.

And then I had to put mine up.

I don't know if you've ever felt that feeling.

Thinking you were good at something, or thinking you had done well, and feeling really proud

Only to find out that you were actually at the bottom of the spectrum.

It's saddening and disheartening.

at the time.

But now, it's funny as shit.

I can imagine myself going in there thinking I had the shit won

That just goes to show you.

You can't underestimate anyone, and never be overconfident.

Much better to learn young.

Piece