CupCake

Nearly every day I pray that there are not customized versions of heaven and hell. My personalized hell would consist of an eternal road trip with old cupcake up there driving.

Homeboy is a 6th grade school teacher and has a little bit of a belly.

Ain’t no shame in it.

He’s in his 40’s got a gap in his teeth, and shorter than 90% of males in the United States, what good would it do to hide his belly.

Let that boy out.

And he does.

We are who we are.

Ole cupcake goes by the name of Thomas Keith.

He was a volunteer assistant at the college I did track.

Coached the high jump, and had tremendous people skills.

I dug the guy.

As mentioned earlier, he’s a 6th grade teacher and a good one at that.

A very patient man.

You gotta be to deal with today’s hoodlums.

So we’re eating breakfeast at a Hampton Inn one day and I start thinking of a nickname to give the man.

I love to give people nicknames.
More often than not they tend to stick.

I’m thinking about how to tease him in a comical way where he can still laugh at himself.

So I’m thinking about his typical day at school
Kids, lunch, teacher’s lounge, etc.

Bam, I got it.

So I go up to the ole man.

“yo Thomas keith. How many cupcakes do you think you’ve eaten in your entire life?”

I’m expecting an outrageous number.

Here’s my reasoning.

#1 the belly.

#2 Can you imagine how many kids bring in cupcakes on birthdays for school parties. I’m banking at least once a month. And on top of that you know he throws down maybe 1-2 per week in the teacher’s lounge. And all the holidays. St Patty’s Day, Valentines, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Presidents Day. The list could go on and on.

#3 doesn’t he seem like the kind of guy that goes to Wal-Mart and buys the 6 pack of cupcakes for $2.99 or 2 packs for $5. Well he does to me.

So after hearing my question about the number of cupcakes, his head drops to his chest rolls back and forth and he lets out a joking sigh and replies with some generic Thomas Keith response

“Man, did ya’ll hear this… How many cupcakes have I eaten in my entire life… Get outta here”

“Nah man I’m serious. Would you say it’s over a thousand?”

My teammate chimes in.

“Man, you know it’s way over a thousand”

Thomas Keith looks bewildered as if a blasphemous remark had been made about him.
He never really answered my question.

But he never really needed to as I never expected an answer.

But the nickname had set in .


We’re starting to throw the nickname around at some track functions.

Just straight clowning the guy any way we can.

He knows were joking and takes it in stride like a champ.


So back to the part about this guy being involved in my personalized hell.

I’m not exactly sure how God determines hell for people and if he even takes the time to personalize one for someone who goes down there, but I’ve got a good suggestion for me.

It involves the following.
A white Chevy Impala
Cupcake at the wheel
No stops for gas
Me alone in the back

*Scratch that

Me in the back sandwiched between two giant cupcakes

With the cupcakes melting in the summer heat and getting all over my Dope tees and fresh kicks.

That’d just about do it for me.

No lie.

Just driving eternally.

No stops for gas.
It’d be great if God was up there just laughing. Like I keep peeking over at the dashboard and notice that it’s almost on E.

So I’ll be like, Ok cool at least I can get out and stretch my legs for a second and grab some funjions at the next conveniently located sHell Station.

But nooo..
The devil and his pit crew pull up and fill the car up while were in motion and speed on by to assist the other drivers on the highway to hell.

Except for me it’s just hell.

I guess I should have prefaced this whole fiasco with how the story came about, but it’s like whatever.

It’s the day of my last final exam at school.
Take that bitch early in the morning.
Everything is cool.
Grab some breakfa, say what’s up to Nay the cafeteria lady and meet up at “the spot” to leave to go to a track meet in Kentucky.

The track is about an hour and a half away.
We’re scheduled to leave at Noon.
We compete at 3 o’clock.
Gives us plenty of time to get there and have some time to chill and warm up.

So Cupcake is driving.
Supposed to pick up a little bus.
But he’s got a chevy impala.
No biggy, we’ll make it work for ya.

But we don’t leave at noon. We leave about 45 minutes later.
Cupcake had some shit to do.
And he didn’t get it done.

Cash checks, drop off keys, pick up implements, sign some sheets, return waivers, etc.

Cool whatever.

We finally get on the road.
I’m giving him crap the whole time.

My girl calls on the phone and she’s like

“Hey Willie, what’s up”

“Ohh just riding in the back of an impala with a grandma driver”

Low blows, but I make it comical.
Like light jabs, you’re not really trying to knock the boy out.
But you wanna let him know you’re there.

So we drive along for a good bit and we’re coming up on where we need to be.

Supposed to get off at a certain exit.

We actually made the exit.

Psyche.

That’s how it works in heaven.

But we’re in hell.

Of course we miss it.

Because in hell, the interstate splits for some weird reason 400 meters before the exit and of course Cupcake chooses the wrong split in the road.

Robert Frost couldn’t have set it up any better.

So we get off about 5 miles down the road. We’re gonna be late, no doubt in my mind.

Cupcake says shit like,

“I’ll get us there, no worries. I know how to get there from this exit as well”

30 minutes later he’s saying stuff more along the lines of..

“Ok, I think if I just keep the railroad tracks on my right, we’ll eventually run into the track”

I’m propped up in the backseat chillin.

No worries for me.

I just graduated college.

What do I care about getting to some weak track meet on time?

But Cupcake proves me wrong.
Gets us there about 25 minutes before we throw.
Warm up quick and throw and do really well. Thanks cake.

But the ride home….. that’s the ride to talk about.

Front seat… N.Diel. Nicholas Diel. The dizzla. 6’5” 250. Cupcake at the command again.
Me in the back left directly behind Mr. Cake.
Titi Florimond, the beautiful French cuisine to my right.
And to her right the 280 lb juggernaut James Arthur Thomas.

Packed house up in this beast.

Ride back…..

No music.. Mr. Cake prefers the silence.
Driving about 10 under the speed limit the whole way.

We stop off at Ryan’s to eat with the rest of the team who rode on the bus. All of the throwers at the meet rode on the little Impala.

The following is not fabricated.
Might as well make it an SAT question.

2 vehicles leave from Ryan’s Steakhouse in Bowling Green Kentucky heading to the same destination in Murfreesboro, TN. The trip is a 87 mile trip.

The 5 passenger Chevy Impala leaves 12 minutes before the 54 passenger bus. Which vehicle is most likely to reach the Murfreesboro destination first given that neither vehicle will make any stops.

A. Chevy Impala
B. The 54 passenger bus

Correct Answer: B. The 54 passenger bus. (Despite inconceivable odds, Cupcake managed to drive the Chevy Impala slow enough to lose approximately 17 minutes to a fully loaded bust over the course of a 90 minute trip)

Yes it was amazing.

We’re giving this guy complete crap by the end of the trip.

The back seat looks like a rowing team.

We’re trying to get car to go a little faster.

On Mrs. Florimond’s count were thrusting ourselves forward trying to speed the car up little by a little… 1..2..3… GO… 1.. 2…3… GO…

N.Diel is in the front seat singing along to the top 10 rap songs of the time as we got caught riding dirty.

When I got home I was pissed to see the bus completely unloaded.

The most inefficient trip I’ve ever been on.
We made the best of it though.

At least we’ve got a story to tell.

An Amish Story

Willie Parker
Essay #5
Civil Society & Public Policy
Fall 2006

The Amish

A large number of Amish people have congregated in a small Indiana town called Shipshewana. The Amish have a way of living that is very different from most modern cultures. They choose to give up many modern day conveniences to live, what they consider, a more pure life. Their religious beliefs and culture are an attraction to tourists looking to catch a glimpse of people living the authentic Amish life. With tourism comes the potential to make money. John Malone, a local business man, has applied for a liquor license in Shipshewana three times and has been turned down each and every time. Since, Malone has threatened to appeal these rulings in order to obtain his sought after liquor license. In response, a Fort Wayne attorney has called for a local referendum on liquor sales if one-quarter of the voters approve of the sale of liquor. If the proposed referendum goes through, townspeople would vote for their own communities and it is likely that the Amish would vote down any attempt to have liquor sales in Shipshewana. By doing so, the Amish would be exercising their democratic rights.


The difference between the Amish religious culture and the religious cultures of other religions needs to be addressed. In his book, The Culture of Disbelief, Stephen Carter talks about how God is widely viewed as a hobby in modern American culture. Carter expresses that modern culture in the United States shows that God and religion is acceptable. However, he also states that these beliefs must be rational and conform to modern society. If certain beliefs do not fit into modern society, they are looked at as completely bizarre and often crazy or stupid (Carter). This seems to be the case with the Amish.


The Amish way of life is very simplistic as they disregard most conveniences provided by modern culture. They refuse to use electricity, do not own automobiles, and grow most of their own food themselves. This seems absolutely crazy to most people in modern culture and Stephen Carter touches on this. “The consistent message of modern American society is that whenever the demands of one’s religion conflict with what one has to do to get ahead, one is expected to ignore the religious demands and act…well…rationally.” By observing the Amish, it is easy to see that they are not like most people in modern culture. They are certainly not looking to get ahead and while this may seem odd or crazy, we must keep in mind that it is just simply different.


A major issue for the Amish is the consumption of alcohol. Their religion is against it, but it is typically widely available in today’s society. However, for the Amish it is more than something they advise against. Alcohol is essentially banned in the Amish religion. And the right to exercise religious beliefs is guaranteed in the Constitution of the United States. According to Thomas Jefferson, “the right to religious liberty is the most inalienable and scared of all human rights” (The Culture of Disbelief). This is a very bold statement that comes from one of our nation’s founding fathers that is supported by the free exercise clause of the Constitution. The Free Exercise Clause states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof” (Wikipedia).


However, this brings up a unique situation when a business man like John Malone pursues the right to apply for a liquor license in a country where alcohol is perfectly legal. It would seem that Malone should have the right to a liquor license, but the surrounding Amish community is definitely not in favor of it. The proposed liquor license will most likely provide extra temptation to members of the Amish community who attempt to avoid temptation as part of their religious belief. Whenever there is a controversy in America, it seems only fitting that we take a democratic vote. This is where the referendum proposed by the Fort Wayne Attorney comes in to play.


I am completely in favor of the proposed referendum. By instituting the referendum, the democratic process would be taking place. The local referendum states that a low 25% of the population of a county would have to be in favor of alcohol sales in the county in order for the liquor licenses to be distributed. It is reasonable that most counties would easily get the 25% vote. It is a rare circumstance, much like this one, where the reverse may take place. The Free Exercise Clause of the Constitution gives the Amish the right to practice their religion in the United States, and the democratic process would allow them to vote on the referendum. Both of these are constitutional rights that are the privilege of all U.S citizens. Therefore, by exercising their Constitutional rights the Amish may keep alcohol out of their community for the time being.


There will surely be some members of the Shipshewana community who disagree with this type of referendum. These people may feel that the Amish are using their religious beliefs to gain political control and change the way of life of others in the community. These people may begin to understand why my high school history teacher would say, “Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the rest.” Democracy aims to serve the majority and in this case it would. Luckily, these people will have the right to purchase alcohol in surrounding counties, as well as the right to relocate.


The situation of the Amish of Shipshewana, Indiana and potential business men like John Malone is a truly unique situation. It is a situation that should be handled very gently as there are deeply rooted moral values involved. These moral values should not be overlooked at the opportunity to make some money. The proposed referendum is a sound way to allow the people govern themselves while utilizing the democratic process.


Works Cited


Carter, S.L. 1994. The Culture of Disbelief: How American Law and Politics Trivialize

Religious Devotion.

The Culture of Disbelief. Don Closson. 14 July 2002. Probe Ministries. 24 October 2006

http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/cultdis.html.

Wikipedia The Free Encyclopedia. 18 October 2006. Wikipedia.org. 24 October 2006

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_Exercise_Clause.

The Brown Coat

I had a brown coat
It fit fine
I wore it during the winter of 89

Burlington Coat Factory on Kingston Pike
We purchased the coat on a Wednesday night

Shopping on a budget
A clearance rack find
That shitty brown coat
Would soon be mine

I took it home and looked in the mirror
I told myself everything would be fine
But a starter jacket was the only thing
That would ease my materialistic mind

Praying I might fit in an be cool
My brown coat and I walked to school.
15 minutes late as usual, I opened the classroom door.
Put my coat on the hook, and took a seat on the floor

Ten o'clock was fastly approaching
And I glanced back and forth
Between the clock and my coat
Wishing recess would come
And I would somehow miss the boat

But I didn't..........

Recess was the longest 30 days
I mean minutes of my life
My coat protected me from the cold
But not from the ridicule
Of Adam, Joshua, and Cole

Frustrated, Embarrassed, and Mad
Teary eyed trips to the bathroom followed
I put on a happy face to go to lunch
A face that was temporarily borrowed

I got home that day
And knew their had to be another way
I said to myself
"I can't take this everyday"

And then I got an idea
In school, we had rules
No fighting, Share, Work more and play less
Another was
No coat...... No recess

Everyday my mom dropped me off out front

"Bye... Love you... Be safe.... Have fun"

I walked into school then stopped outside my classroom door.
Took off my coat and buried it in the bottom of my bag.
Strutted into class wearing clothes from the season before


For 3 months, Ms. Jackson said...

"Lets get our coats and go to the playground"

And every single day I would pretend
That I somehow forgot my coat again.

The class went to recess to play.
They played tag, kickball, and football like hogs.
While I stayed inside
And built a mansion out of my lincoln logs

They came back from recess, and everything was cool
Except for the meeting my mom and teacher had everyday after school
Where they would discuss my behavior from afar
Then my mom and I would walk to the car
While she dug my coat out of the bottom of my bag

"Why don't you ever wear your coat?" she was so mad

I sat in her car and cried and cried and cried.
I never ever replied

My Mom says I can't dress

And she's full of it.

Look at that pic

That right there is a well dressed man

AKA

ME

I go shopping with a female friend and come home with some nice clothes.

"Well i assume SHE is the one responsible for all these nice clothes you bought at the mall huh"

Whatever mom...

Your boy's got style

And stop sweatin it.

To give her the benefit of the doubt though, i rarely

If ever

Wear clothes inside the house.

If i'm home odds are I'm naked

Lemme reprhase

If i'm at home in my room...

Odds are I'm naked.

If I'm at home in another room

Odds are I'm wearing half tights.

Lycra/Poly/Spandex blend

Yes skin tight shorts

Why?

Because i love the decreased semen level?

Because they cut off circulation

Because they keep me warm...

None of the above

Because that spandex is ohhhh so comfortable baby

And if you haven't tried it.

Please do....

I never thought I'd pay 30 bones for underwear.

But now i have.

Thanks to my high tastes and preferences.

Thing is I paid 30....

But i would have paid 50

At least

Savings of $20...

Crazy how companies/moneyhungrycapitalits try to trick people on that.

Act now and have $176 in savings.

But spend $456 to get it.

Blah blah blah

.........................................
.........................................
...........Your Welcome..................
.........................................

Why?

I just made your life that much easier.

WHen i splurged and dropped $9.20 to purchase www.scwoogie.com

Which brings you here

So if you are currently typing in the blogspot thing...

You're welcome

For the seconds... possibly minutes you'll save in your lifetime by not having to type it anymore.

And when I get my new business cards...

Scwoogie.com is going to look a lot better than

scwoogie.blogspot.com

SO holla at you all losers later...

LOSERS????

Calling my avid readers losers...???

Yes i am...

You Heard it Here First

My Boy Luda

Is the man.

And one day he came to visit me at my apartment at my old college.

I told him he could have anything he wanted to eat.

He ate 4 Turkey Burgers and a protein shake to start.

He finished off that box of Turkey Burgers and what did he do....

Went back to start on the second box

Of 12

And after he finished that box, he wanted me to buy another box.

But i wouldn't

SO he drank the juice

And here's the video



This guy went out of his way to get me a summer job.

Thanks to him

Thanks to him I worked 40 hours a week starting at 7 am everyday for $7 an hour.

Talk about a shitty job.

I'll never do that again.

Unless i'm starving/poor/washedup/muscle68/depressed/NickDiel

Ohh well...

The stories i got out of that place and the stuff i learned.

Well worth it..

PSYCHE

Hell no...

Not even close to worth it, but I can spot any flower and call it out by name.

As long as its a rose, carnation, iris, sunflower, or tulip.



>...........

After the haircuts

Yesterday the haircuts thing

I apologize again.

My bad..

But i was going to say that I cut my own hair because i'm cheap.

And then how a haircut is one of those things that doesn't bother me.

Because it's a trip what people spend money on.

People will pay incredible attention to one thing

And not care about another at all

Like I will drop $300 on a dope pair of shoes, no questions.

$15 on a nice pair of socks to make my feet feel good.

$30 for a nice pair of underwear.

And by underwear, i mean half tights.

Because i enjoy these things.


But lets talk about food.

Buy me a $5 meal at an all you can eat cafeteria

I'd rate it about a 8/10

Take me to red lobster and take care of the bill

8.5/10

My taste buds just don't care.

I don't really eat for taste

Strictly nutritional value

Haven't had a coke since beginning of senior year of high school

That includes root beer, grape soda, coke, pepsi, diet coke, and yes Nick Diel... it even includes BIG RED.

I had sprite like 3 times in those 5 years.

Once because lame ass JJ ordered it for me at RYAN's Steakhouse

and twice when i was puking my guts out.

One time I was the sickest i have ever been..

Was running to the bathroom to throw up, but couldn't make it.

So i was wearing a sweatshirt i bought at a nike outlet for 5 bones.

Puke was coming up quick and i just caught the shit in the sweatshirt.

I did it with such skill that no puke spilled on the carpet or anything.

SO i took the sweatshirt off spilling nothing.

I walked out the door and threw it in the grass down beside our apartment.

Fast forward 7 hours when my roomate is coming back from class.

"Ohh man.. someone must have lost a sweatshirt.... let me check it out... picks it up.... OHHH SHIIIIT..."

teehe my bad


Ok so i don't eat sweets or coke or anything.

Because i just decided to stop one day and never really wanted much sense.

My boy julioso says i'm a fat kid at heart and yurn for sweets and i'm killing myself by not eating them.

He's wrong

He also said i would move to chicago

He was wrong

He said the world will end December 19th, 2012.

He's probably right about that one.

..................

But i get no big enjoyment out of food.

So i don't waste money on it.

I spend the money on the stuff i really enjoy and get fulfillment from.

We all do the same thing.

It's just cool/crazy how different it is for everyone.

I can't imagine someone dropping 50 bones for a spice rack of some oregeno, thyme, garlic, etc.

But i'll drop 6 times that for some air max 95 cowboys.

..............

.............................

..............

THE JOB Fair.

"What'd you think of the job fair"

without giving me time to respond

"I thought it was a bunch of bullshit...

I was really DISENCHANTED ..

i mean if you ain't some business person,

i mean c'mon there wasn't much of variety and if i'm gonna pay $10 i'm gonna be expected to be wowed a little bit...

I mean shiiiit.... tellin me to pay 10 dollars and then telling me to go fill out a resume on their website.

What am i payin the 10 dollars for?

When the damn service is provided online

That's what disenchants me the most.

I tell ya, my wife is going to get on me for being so down about this and i'll be complaining about wasting 10 dollars to get in this place and she'll try and calm me down, and i'll understand, but it wouldn't be so bad if I just wasn't so disenchated.

And the most disenchanting thing was when I talked to the state of Indiana

And they said they weren't hiring

And then the man beside them said

"Mam they just hired me a month ago"

Now ain't that some disenchating shit...

Damn...I need a job now...

You know cable, electric, gas people and shit...

They don't care...

They don't care if you got a job or not..

They don't get their money, they just cut the service off

So what did you think about the job fair"



All that came from a bald headed black man with an outfit pieced together from the thrift store, who had no more than 3 teeth that could be seen by someone searching for anything looking like a tooth.

I don't think disenchated is the proper word in this case

dis·en·chant (dsn-chnt) Pronunciation Key
tr.v. dis·en·chant·ed, dis·en·chant·ing, dis·en·chants
To free from illusion or false belief; undeceive.


..............Sleep............

Tiki the barber

I give myself haircuts

Mainly because i'm cheap

But also because i want to learn how

And like Chris Perry and Stephen Register

I want to know everything

And knowing how to cut hair falls underneath the category of everything

So does Sodomy

.....Zing.....

I tell my friend who is a la coiffeur that I'm going to cut my hair or someone else's hair

And she says

"Ohh who's head are you going to mess up today?"

And then she giggles

And I tell her to go back to Timbuktu

And And And

Boy can you start a sentence without the word and

And he did

Just now

And now

Oops

Ok... so I cut hair and I'm getting better.

My chinese roomate says

"Man you are like professonull"

I didn't know how to phonetically spell it, but you get the picture.

It's not spelled right because he can't speak it write.


............I hate to say this........

But I had a plan before writing this blog

I was opening with the hair cut thing

And then parlaying it into something else

It was going to relate somehow to something

It was a good lead in too..

Shit was gonna flow smoothly together.

It was gonna be like that transition into the McDonald's parking lot on Kingston Pike when your name is not Scotty Maurer.

My boy Scotty Maurer officiall wrecked his car in a McDonald's parking lot.

Not like 'ohh i was backing out and just bumped a car'

But like an actual collision wreck causing damage and jumping a curb.

.....You have no idea how hard i'm trying........

.....To remember what came after the haircuts.....

............But I can't............

.......Sleep.......

i'm an idiot

I'm an idiot

I'm an idiot

and one more time

I'm a big fat idiot

So on just a hunch I thought it would be fun to gamble on some sports.

No big deal, pick some teams.

Watch the games.

See who wins...

Win some money... Lose some money... ahh who cares

It's all in good fun..

And I've set up rules... Once my initial $20 runs out, i'm out of the game.

And I will hold true to that.

So after a weekend of betting on college football, I actually made some money.

Feeling confident, and feeling lucky, I decided to make a bet on the Monday night football game.

I couldn't decide if Chicago was going to cover the spread or not, so i didn't want to bet.

So i looked at other bets.

And turns out you can bet on anything throughout the whole game.

Which team will get the kickoff, what team will score first, which player is most likely to get laid after the game etc.

So i'm browsing and some of the payoffs are huge.

You know why a payoff is huge.

Becuse the risk is even bigger.

But you know what I saw ....

$$$$$$

Nothing but dollar signs baby

So i put up all i had in my account.

$26.82 or something.

Yeah a whole lot....

At least i made $6.82 before i made this bet.


So i put up my 26 bones betting that neither team would score in the final two minutes of the first half.

Seemed flawless at first.

yeah, it'll be cool, they won't is what i told myself.

Then after i clicked the button to confirm my bet, i started having doubts.

in the NFL, everybody scores in shit tons right at the end of the half and the end of the game.

Ohhh well, maybe i'll get luck i told myself.

And then what happened.

Rex F'n Grossman fumbled the ball with like 2:20 seconds left on his own 30 yard line giving the Cardinals an uber short field.

Praying that they might score on the first play before the two minute warning, they completed a short pass and let the clock run down to the 2 minute warning.

F'n Cardinals
F'n Grossman
F'n Parker

Sometimes I'm like a confident 8th grader.

Gimme 26 bones in my back pocket...

A little bit of confidence...

And let me make some decisions...

Just wait and see how much shit i can fuck up.

.............................................


On another note,

My living room floor has probably over 100 grains of rice spread throughout.

And we have no vacuum.

Having a rice infested living room floor is something that comes with a Chinese roommate.

It's kinda like the odor that comes with my roommate from India.

We have two rice cookers situated at each corner of our living room.

I know it may seem odd, but it truly would be blasphemous if my two foreign roommates were forced to share a rice cooker.

The Chinese guy chose to go with the top of the line $115 rice cooker.

The guy from India went with the conventional $45 cooker.

They are nearly identical.

They each come with a nifty plastic cup that you must pour the rice into in order to maintain the proper rice to water ratio.

One odd shaped plastic cup of rice to one cup of water.

It would seem simple enough, and you might be wondering why ther is rice everywhere.

Well it would be simple enough if you were American.

For instance, we (Americans) might buy a 1 pound bag of rice at the store.

We might even buy a 5 pound bag if we wanted to stock up.

People from India don't buy 1 pound bags of rice.

They buy 15 pound bags of rice.

And in communist fashion, the Chinese try to one up them by buying 25 pound bags of rice.

I will have to admit that watching my roomates try to pour ginormous bags of rice into a cup the size of one you would pee in was very comical.

But now it's getting old.

I'm currently dragging rice back to my bedroom as I walk through the living room.

It's a pain in the ass.

But it still makes me smile.

Every time I feel a piece of rice stick to my foot...

I remember them boys pouring that shit all over the place and just smile.

NapTown

I live in Indianapolis

Where Father Nature's mistress must live

Because Mother Nature surely hates someone here.

Laying it on us.

The high for this week is like 74 today and 45 tomorrow.



Rain and stuff mixed in.

And then on Friday, back to the 60's with sun.

I've got a midterm tonight at 6..

A little nervous...

Oh well...

F it

To the chan man

Chan Man.

Ping pong sounds good.

Thanksgiving or X-mas for sure.

Hit me up with your contact info

Scwoogie@gmail.com

......

All these girls are thinking they are divas thanks to sex and the city.

So many dudes have to put up with shit because of that show I'm sure.

And don't get me wrong.

It's a banging show.

probably my absolute favorite show ever at this point.

With the Cosby Show, and Larry King running for close seconds.

Sometimes I like to think i'm the male version of Carrie Bradshaw.

Maybe i'm just a dreamer

Do what you want

Here I am



Pointing at my text
Which is inserted

Here

HERE





HERE



HERE




HERE






and


HERE


I didn't do shit this weekend.

I ironed all of my dress shirts.
Like 38 of them.
And 2 i'm going to sell
so a total of 40

that's entirely too many dress shirts.

But I will not buy any for a couple years.

I think I just seriously decided that I would like to be a millionaire.

Think about if you have 1 million dollars.

Invest in yearly in a 5% safe investment.
At the end of every year, you have $50,000.
Taxes etc... whatever... so you have $35,000.

AKA

3 g's a month.

and how long can you do that?

Forever.

What can you do on 3 g's a month?

Live, eat, sleep, drive, commute, and have fun.

Then you can do what you want to do as a job/career/whatever.

Want to train to break the world record for the longest continuous nap?

Go for it.

Because you're making 3g's a month doing jack squat.

... I have a chinese roomate....

Who said he was the bomb at ping pong.

I was intimidated...

You know what you see in the olympics

And then he had that weird "penholders" grip on his paddle.

You know the inverted style that Ugg, the camp counselor, used in the climactic episode of Salue your Shorts.

So I was thinking it was goin to be a slaughter.

Me being the destroyed.

And it wasn't.

Fu was horrible.

But then I played a couple hours later with my boy A-lex

Dude smashed me.

I beat him once
He beat me like 8 times.

They were all close, but i can't concentrate a whole game.

I'll be up like 10-2, then i'll start looking around, reading bulletin boards, sneaking peaks at the football game and then it's 12-12.

OH well....

.......


Bye

I am a Man

Today is one of those days where you come home and you think you've got a big day of free time.

Not much to do....

I'll do a little reading for class.. maybe some of my assignment blah

THen you fold clothes, cook, do some laundry, open a new bank account, run to the store, do a little homework, call a friend, put clothes away in your dresser, cut the crap out of your hand on aforementioned dresser corner and start gushing blood on your hand, so you take care of that, and do a couple other things before realizing that you've got not that much time left to do the stuff you really have to do.

Now I know what my mom meant while she said she was playing catch up on sunday afternoons while me and my dad sat on our asses and watched football games.

Boy were we lazy asses.

But back to my hand.
Knock it on the corner of the dresser.

Feels like any other little mishap.

But then look down 30 seconds later and my hand is all red.

SO i go to wash it off and the thing will not stop bleeding.

Looking under the counter at all my first aid toys.

An alcohol swab and a band aid big enough to cover a three year old's head.

So we're not working with much.

Decide the alcohol swab might not be a bad idea.

Then i have a flashback and think that it might sting because my mom used to say that when i was a kid.

My next thought.

Well, You are a man.

And that's damn right. I am a man.

Nobody displays this better than my boy Reggie.

He is at a track meet running his little blond hair, blue eyed heart out and he gives his boy Rummel some $ to pick him up a sammitch from Subway.

Funny thing is rummel comes back with a 2 subs.

One is a foot long and the other is a 6 inch.

Rummel takes the foot long out of the bag, sets it in his lap and hands reggie the 6 inch. Rummel isn't even running, just spectating, yet he has convinced himself that he is more deserving of the foot long.

Reggie takes the six incher and says,

"Where's the rest of my sandwich"

"Ohh man, I only got you a 6 inch"

"Well I am a man"

And that's all steve said before destroying the measley 6 inch sammitch.

And Steve is right. He is a man.

ANd men eat footlongs.

Damnit

Especially when they are athletic events.

Damnit.

...

So i thought about that scene real quick before I wiped my gushing wound with the alcohol swab and it didn't even really hurt at all.

Because I'm a man